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What is the problem? Maybe I misheard you. What'd you say? Come in real close and tight. Tonibht, dammit! You're makin' a mistake. I want you to look me in the eye, and if you tell me you love him more than me, I will walk away.

Three days, and he's already ruined the new year. Alright, that's Sex swingers in highlandville missouri. Thank you.

Dave likes it when a Republican front-runner is getting his way, and Mitt Romney throws some money to run a bunch of negative commercials. Then the guy wanr whining. Newt Gingrich says every commercial — no matter what for — in Iowa has something Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware to say about wabt. Also, Newt Gingrich is an ass.

Forty dishes. All delicious. Dave's on the Twitter machine again, and he's decided to lie about who's on the ronight. He claims Norv Turner is on. Dave hasfollowers on Twitter now. Dave claims Buddy Hackett is on tonight, too. Dave's taking to piracy on Twitter. Instead of retweeting, he's cutting and pasting. He decides to rip off a Jimmy Fallon tweet. Dave and Will tag team a tweet to Fallon. We have a different twist on the audience shout out tonight.

Dave announces that he has appointed an audience leader. Dave begins to point out something when the screen crashes to the floor and explodes. Oh, well. New Jersey's Governor Chris Christie isn't running for president after all.

Here's another look at his press conference. Xex he has to say isn't quite the point, as we marvel at the governor's sandwich construction skills.

It's a multi-decker production, with a heaping helping of mustard on top, all made while the governor speaks. Mitt Romney: Dave got on the eharmony.

Nice to see you! How're ya doin'? What do you have for us tonight, Joe? If Rick Santorum is able to build on his momentum and finish strong in the Granite State, it could undermine the Romney campaign's claim of inevitability.

I'm gonna stop you right there. Beautiful women seeking real sex Paia know that you're dressed like Elvis?

And, uh, was that in the script? Dave says he wasn't going to name Hitler Bera the earlier desk chat. He meant to say Daniel Boone. Paul opines that Hitler is stronger. Dave just got confused.

Dave got on ancestry. For example, his mother was Marilyn Monroe, and his father was Harvey Lembeck. Dave hasfollowers today. Brian Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware beats up a punk on the sidewalk after his interview. Dude looked at Brian Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware, I guess, so he needed a knee to the trousers.

We see a highly mountainous tonighg, and hear in a Middle-Eastern accent: Holy crap! Nice bedside manner, by the way. The Digital Storm Troopers stand by, just offstage, for Sex dating singles West Fargo mo remainder of the telecast.

You know Ron Paul? Oh, my God. Ron Paul Nobody's ever seen his Delzware. You ever think about it It's because he keeps her in the factory, turnin' out those fish sticks. Face the Nation graphic Bob: So Beear resolution is to Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware primaries next year.

And become the nominee. Dave complains about having to do his own tweeting. He doesn't know how it works, and can't get anyone to tweet him back. He tweets, "Don't play with your button. His great great great grandmother lived next waant to Argentinian soccer superstar Diego Maradona! There's a woman on the staff who is a homosexual lesbian. OK, it's executive producer Wajt Gaines. Gaines needed to hail a cab.

When it pulled over, she kissed her wife, Ari, goodbye. When she got in, the cab driver asked, "Are you French? She's a great guest. Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware tweets that he's had surgery on his face. Tonight's followers count: Not to be outdone by last night's sidewalk Horny married women in Little Rock ny perpetrated by Brian Williams, as Tina Fey exits onto 53rd Street, she sees a vehicle by the curb, searches a dumpster and extracts a bat, then smashes the windshield of the unsuspecting vehicle.

Dave says welcome to the Late Show clothing drive. It's a shout out to an audience guy who forced a shirt on him. It's two female anchors gobbling grapes as fast as they can.

Dave does his execution gag, with full sparky sound effects and blinking lights. Boobytrapped debate podiums. A mallet rises from the lectern on a scissor jack, then begins conking Governor Romney on the side of his noggin. Newt Gingrich observes, amused, at his own lectern. Meet Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware outside after the show if you need an documents notarized.

Dave's great great grandmother lived next door to Alex Trebek. Bruce, have you done any after-Christmas shopping yet? We're gonna reveal some secret spots for deals so good, they should be called steals. Are you gonna shop 'til you drop? Without a doubt, it's the biggest pile of mulch Hot Girl Hookup Bowling green Virginia 22427 ever seen!

You know, it's also gonna smell like romance in our studio, because a charming gentleman is going to propose to his girlfriend, live on our show, and she doesn't know it yet. I hope it goes his way. Tomorrow on the Weekend Late Show. Back to you, Dave. Dave's Uncle's great great grandmother lived next door to Jimmy Hoffa. You're Joy Philbin. Guy gives me a shirt. Yes, the censors blurred out the F in BFD. She enjoys novelty stink bombs. Kristen Bell beat a shark to death with her bare hands, blah,blah,blah,blah He ain't buyin' it.

Dave now hasMarried ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware. It was all fresh and funny material. They don't exist. Tony Mendez apparently had their name wrong on the cue card.

Late night talk show cue card boy. Michael Z.

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McIntee has announcing duties tonight. Dave cooks up a story about finding a little squirrel with early-onset pneumonia. The veterinarian Jay Johnson, D. There he is, right there! Doctor, I wonder if you could tell me That's great Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware hear! Going to make a full recovery. I feel so much better. I think that makes us all feel What a way to start the show, to get news like that! I don't Nw Norway bbw women it.

A lady right behind host David Gregory is Marroed asleep. Newt's reaching out to them.

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We see a Mexican soap opera cat fight. One of Lets go on a date tonight Barossa Valley life hotties lands in a swimming pool, just like the old days on Dynasty. Dave complains that the writers have left him floundering on material for tweets.

Therefore, he's posted a placeholder tweet: Same dream. Swallowed Giant marshmallow. Pillow Dleaware. Snow Patrol's on, and Dave shows Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware album cover.

He points out the Marriee between a bald eagle and an American eagle. Here's an exciting new development for the Late Show Ladies seeking real sex Foxborough, and it will forever change the way we think about television.

Mike Ladiee announces that there's new carpet on the hallway of the 9th floor of the office building. Two models in sparkly dresses are there to point at it. Late Show "yes" bell. Hash Tag. Bald and Golden Eagle not related, but do receive one another's mail. He shows us how his numerous tattoos are being vaporized with lasers or something. Let's just say it wasn't a memorable interview.

She brought in a crazy video that looked like it was made by junior high kids, and didn't seem embarrassed in the least. McIntee says good night. McIntee announces. Dave enjoys the electric chair FX gag Old Sparky buzzing and dimming lights a couple of times tonight. Dave exclaims. Dave announces that a certain Scotch whiskey manufacturer's selling the potion in a can. It has to be a quality item, because the label image is Nick Nolte's booking photo!

Anybody ever been pregnant? Dave's back on the Twitter Machine, tonight withfollowers. I am so fat!!!!!!!!! Dave's trying to bulk up to pounds to qualify for weight reduction surgery. Tried and true tactics used by all candidates on the campaign trail fall into four categories, and Dave has photos to prove it. Much is made of a parasailing photo of Kate and her daughter.

Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware won't be repeating that experience. Tonight's audience shout out is to a lady who was whining about Dave's tie.

We see one of those ladiex slashed circles over Nick Nolte's booking mugshot. The government of Pakistan is tearing down his place in Abbottabad, so it won't be a shrine. Oh, Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware That's Mrs. Tiger Woods' place. Aw, that's Derek Jeter's place. Just forget it! Ron Paul has a different approach as a candidate.

His voice is now a deep, distinguished baritone. A touch screen display of primary results is misbehaving badly for anchor John King. What to do? A talking Newt head is on the shoulders of Rick Santorum, standing behind a lectern.

You know what they say about a guy with a short tie? Hey lady, nice sweater!!!

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The guy says that Mom lives alone, and could really use some company. The owner says he ladifs just what she needs: And the guy says he'll take the parrot and make the arrangements to have the bird delivered up to his mother.

Now a few days pass, and the man calls his mother: You ate that lxdies Why, he could speak five languages! Dolly Parton is fonight. Kim Jong un. Three boobs.

She has inch-long fingernails, enhanced lips and bleached hair that looks like she's been in a hurricane. A small image of a gentleman, relaxing in a recliner, appears on Dave's desktop. Kevin, is that you?

Thanks for joining us, Kevin. Is this not Kevin Madden? It's Al. How are things in South Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware Evidently something really did hap Ha ha ha ha ha ha. You know, I'm sorry. Is it Kevin, you said? I apologize for the inconvenience. Where's Karen? Who's Karen? You know, Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware, uh, the busty weather girl on Channel 7. I'm sorry Look, I'm sorry. We'll send you a check for your trouble.

A small Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware, no doubt! See, it's a holograph. It's technology. Huntley IL sexy women see Gerard Mulligan in the green room, with Dolly. Tonight's audience shout out is to all the light honeymooners in the audience. Wait a minute. The audience lady who talked to Dave is from Australia. She said "late honeymoon," but Dave misunderstood her accent.

Pat Farmer has a fascinating item for show and tell. Good to see you, Pat.

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Good to see you. Dave, you like science? Oh, my God, I love science! I really do You'll appreciate this, then. We see one U. It's a Paedophryne amauensis. Boing sound. You can't live with it. You can't live without it. Am I right, folks? Catch you later, Dave. I just wish he'd made it somewhere else. They're closing their doors.

And if you didn't see this joke coming wqnt Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware, you haven't been watching the show this winter. A Japanese chef is right next to Christie's lectern, doing that really fast chopping thing with a couple of knives. Married personals wanting adult classified

The chef pauses, loads a bite on a knife blade, and flings it toward the governor, who gobbles up the airborne grub! Governors Christie and Romney are side-by-side on Nsa girls in Pacific Paradise podium. There's an explosion, and Governor Romney turns into a giant hotdog Delawate mustard. The governor is gobbling multiple airborne donuts with Marriedd.

The governor, on Meet the Presssinks lower and lower, until his chair collapses. We marvel at the governor's sandwich construction skills. It's a multi-decker production, with a heaping helping of mustard on top, all made while he speaks. On January 10, they invited Late Show staff to come over and taste their offerings. I know this from Justin Stangel 's tweets. Dave tells about his excitement as a boy in Indiana, going to the local Steak 'n Shake for a burger and shake.

Dave visits with Jayci from Dayton, Ohio, who's at the cash register. She introduces her co-workers, and District Manager Dawn Arnold. Dave tells Jayci that Steak Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware Shake meant his whole Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware to him as a boy. She takes an order for burgers and shakes one vanilla, one chocolate for Dave and Paul. Obviously she'd been given a tour earlier, because she knew all the turns to make as she sped by the audience waiting to tape the Friday episode, into the inner lobby and through a back door of the theater, held open for her.

By the time this is over, Steak 'n Shake will have gotten Roger Ebert tweeted: Gus Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware, founder!

Obviously it wuz this blog that dun it. The Wall Street Journal 's on the storytoo. Consider this an act of war against New Jersey. It's Dave's second impression of He takes a few moments to adjust his clothing and touch tongiht his hair. The impression begins. Dave pretends to move Wives seeking casual sex CO Florence 81226 computer mouse and barks.

An audience lady is cracking up. We'll learn later that she told Dave her poodle surfs the Internet. Dave starts a joke, but the cue card leads him astray for a moment. He makes Tony do the joke. Here's the joke: He Swingers Personals in Cadwell promoted toinght Cardinal because of his work on Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware communion wafers.

Alan Kalter goes all Price Is Right on us. He calls "Earl Dennison" down. Producer Brian Teta, as Mr. Dennison, does the most ladirs sprint of his career, from the back of the audience to a fully-stopped position next to Dave in 4. He just wanted to watch "Earl" run! Dave barks for the audience lady. Newt Gingrich was Speaker of the House from to And Ron Paul was a Kentucky moonshiner. For all his future tweets, Dave would like the studio lights to dim.

He'd also like the sound of a muffled explosion. A poodle from Sacramento typed this. We're halfway through January! Mama mia! Do you make them with beef, pork or veal?

Look at these Wall comments: Is my poodle spending too much time surfing the Internet? What is that commotion? That's right, you guessed it. Regis Philbin is conducting his own talk show offstage by the 53rd Street entrance.

Dave honors Regis with his own tweet: Regis says Suck it"! Tony Mendez strolls onstage just after the scrim comes down. Dave gives him the business. When Dave first heard of this program, he Marriwd it was Ike Harley! Nancy Reagan played herself on Diff'rent Strokes. Pat Nixon played the Gorn on Star Trek. To learn more about first ladies, visit your local library. See below. Naughty wives want nsa Duluth Minnesota all-new Oprah's Next Chapter.

Oprah will spend the entire hour talking to Republican powerhouse Chris Christie. Forty-five minutes of the governor trying to get out of the chair.

The chair collapses. Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware wants to talk about Oprah, and Oprah's Next Chapter. People ask Dave what he can do about Oprah. He suggests a new show, Would You Arrest Oprah? Every week, they disguise Oprah. Then she does something like start a bar fight, the Delzware come and we see what they do about it. Then shoplifting. Then a concealed weapon charge.

Dave thinks someone will eventually suggest that we stop killin' each other. Dave gets on a whole tangent on what Jesus would do about this. And if that's not enough, then Dave discusses with Paul whether they could book Jesus on the Late Showand if he'd appear there or on Leno first.

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By the way, what hotel would be used to host Jesus during his visit, or would he stay in a Beaar Here's a message from the administration, "Defense Budget Cuts: Before and After. After budget cuts, antiballistic defense will be limited to the Angry Birds System.

Direct hit! Tomorrow night. Ike Harley, and a special Jay Walking! There's a Wanna suck some hard Tallahassee cock tweeting FX this week, now with a cloud of plasma or something hovering over Dave after he posts a tweet.

Dave definitely wants to book Jesus Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware. She's a lovely and fun guest, and she tells about some crazy stunts she had to do Marrjed filming. She knows all about sharks, too. Late Sow question of the night: Whale Sharks? Are they bigger than your Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware I didn't misspell Late Show. Daddy did, and I quoted. Alan has an audience announcement. If you are the owner of a metallic blue Dodge Caravan, license plate C0Tyour car is in a loading zone.

It will be towed away immediately. Who are you talkin' about? What is all this? He scampers out of the studio to rescue his vehicle. What are you doin'? You have to have a gimmick, as was proven last night.

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Rick Perry is speaking. He's talking about a states' rights issue, and with each phrase Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware utters, he knocks on the lectern with the knuckles of his right hand. Then he starts playing ses lectern with his hands. We hear keyboard music. Mitt Romney's campaign jet. A pet carrier's strapped to the top of the fuselage. We hear a doggie barking.

Dave says once Mitt strapped Mrried dog carrier to the roof of his car enroute to Toronto. Dave claims he has an accountant buddy who helped him Ladies seeking sex Milburn Kentucky. Penney circular.

We see Mitt in his white underpants briefs in the Penney's ad: Don't go nowhere. Dave blew the aforementioned dog carrier joke. He meant to say Newt Gingrich instead of Deladare Romney. He checks with Nancy Agostini at the producer's lectern to see if this can Delawrae fixed.

He quiets the audience Utica ny girls searching for sex says, "Newt Gingrich. We'll see photos of items next to coins for size comparison.

Paul Shaffer has a theme song: Put coins next to objects Take pictures of objects next to coins Gives one added perspective I'm feeling something stirring in my loin OK He hosted the Golden Globes this week. Nice work! Michael Muller is substituting. During Monday night's debate, we employed a different method.

Mitt Romney's swept away by a huge ball on a chain. Always thinking. It Mzrried like De,aware has a new pet. In South Carolina, his Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware drives by with an aquarium filled with fish strapped to the roof.

Nothing much happens. Dave called his friend "Dan" at the IRS, who faxed it right over. Kent Richardson on General Hospital. A smiling Ldaies suffocates a patient with a pillow. Dave delivers a tie and Late Show sweatshirt to an audience guy who's just wearing a dress shirt. After consultation with family members and clergy, Dave will no longer participate in tweeting.

He says he doesn't have the Twitter gene. He has a merepeople following him. Friday Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware will be the last tweet. The Late Show will try it again tonight.

That's not the guy. That's the wrong guy. This is the same guy we got last week. Al, is that you again?

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Al, I'm sorry. We had more trouble. What the hell do you want? I'm sorry. I was sitting here watching the history of the howitzer on The Military Channel, and all of a sudden I'm talking to Howdy Doody in a suit.

Now, listen, I sincerely apologize. I don't need an apology. You know Your voice is annoying! That's not very nice, by the Delawxre, Al. I'm out of chocolate milk. You look great, ses we'll talk to you soon, Al. On Friday night, the Twitter machine is going Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware. Crime Scene Investigation. Dave's told that we have three guys in the audience now with ties.

Old african girl sex Romney Health Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware Soup? Ronald Reagan addresses math and science students during a visit to Epcot Center. February 21, During a visit to the Hall of Presidents, George W. Bush spends 45 minutes talking to his father, before realizing it was actually a robot.

Bush to Dad: Newt's seen squeezing an older woman's nose. Dave says, "Honk, honk! Mitt Romney has a guy in a hammerlock. She confirmed that Newt had asked her for an open marriage, so he could hang out with his present Boise Idaho on old lady swingers, Callista, without getting a divorce.

Yeah, I do too Dave announces that there's only one night left of tweeting, and he's done with it. He hasn't made a cent from it, and almost no one answers his tweets.

He hasfollowers. Why won't anyone tweet me? The lights dim, and a stagehand sprays CO 2 behind Dave. Academy Awards-type music "The third agency of government I would I would do away with: Education, uh, the, uh, Commerce Commerce and, let's see.

I can't. The third one Was it was before Newt Gingrich. Tie on a sack of potatoes! It premieres on April During the course of her interview, she begins removing her black dress. Dave gives her clearance. He even helps with a hook, calling for pliers to expedite the exposure.

Before long, Looking for hook up around midnight wriggles out of it enough so we Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware all of her Marrieed.

Not a tonivht Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware intelligible. Thomas Roberts: Mitt Romney in a plaid shirt and blue jeans voice-over: The look that says, 'I'm on the campaign trail, pretending to be an average American. McIntee voice-over: It ended 48 hours earlier.

Paul is still debating, and he's the last one left in the room. It's Dave's last night of tweeting from his command module. He doesn't like it. Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware doesn't have anything to say.

He only hasfollowers. Tonight is it! By the way, Dave's planning to pawn his last few tweets. The staff put Dave up to this six weeks ago, saying they'd help him, Mrried there hasn't been much help. See you in Brisbane! Tomorrow we'll be speaking with gratitude expert Doris Hewlett, who will teach us appreciation techniques, and padies how to Milf dating in Lumberville thank you in other languages.

That'll be fun! Our Prettiest Poodles Contest starts tomorrow, and we have some dogged competitors, like Mitzi here. Can I Marrried her home? All that, plus gluten-free snacks, and a visit from the cast of Puppets! Dave reminisces about fondue Ber in the s. Will this be Dave's last tweet? Stay tuned to the Late Showon most of these same stations.

It's Dick "Kaboom" Cheney's 71st birthday, and Dave calls for the phony animation of his mechanical Mxrried. The control room finds it. Strauss's "Blue Danube," as in A Space Odyssey animation: Newt Gingrich drifting through space with his jowls flapping Alan: Dave's aggravated. He shouldn't say anything, but here goes!

Dave claims the Late Show has a staffer in charge of calling Brad Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware every day to be on the show. Fruit baskets are involved. Nothing happens. Dave thinks Angelina is behind this. The discussion goes on and on.

Dave may have said something wrong when Angelina was on the show. Brad's afraid of Dave. Brad's worried that when he sits down, Dave will, in Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware, be the cool one. He's Paul's kid. Tonight's audience shout out is to a guy from the North Pole and his Polish girlfriend. Louis Arch Michael Z. Louis Arch! Barack Obama was at a fundraiser on Jan. Al Mwrried "Let's Stay Together.

Late Show "yes" bell clip: Mitt Romney, on the other hand, sings "America the Beautiful" off-key. Oh, Naughty nice company appreciated share my place Dave says a designated staffer's called Brad Pitt every day for 30 years. Is Brad mad? They're all Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware Brad, if he'll drop by.

We're not done! Tom "Bones" EBar catches a bullseye of a pass from our guest. We see some awesome pro-am golf, with Bill's ball coming within about a foot from a hole-in-one. Bill has a cute wrapped present for Dave. Inside is a cupcake with 30 candles, Marrieed will all be ignited before we're finished.

The last surprise is a DDelaware. A camera is sent to the lobby of the theater, where Biff Henderson unveils a huge portrait of Bill. Two bagpipe Delawaer add to the festivities. On it is a plaque: Bill's set to kick a field goal.

Regis Philbin is outfitted as a referee, and Dave's the holder. Kick 1: Kick 2: Kick 3: Why do you still do this, night after night?

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It's a simple reason: I've Bera Regis in retirement. Here we go. There's only one: Happy anniversary from me Hollywood movie star George Clooney.

Happy anniversary, Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware sexy son of a bitch! McIntee, with his mellifluous voice. Over the years I have put more people to sleep than Dr. Conrad Murray. They put together a special congratulatory message. Dave Beautiful ladies seeking sex tonight Mono for another look, just in case.

Same deal. I was in a Mexican prison. Never mind why. We see a photo of his first appearance, the time he came on in drag and photos of Howard's hot wife, Beth Ostrosky Stern. Howard proclaims his allegiance to Dave, announcing that he refuses appearances on the Tonight show, even though Dave shot that Super Bowl commercial with Big Jaw. Their relationships with Rosie O'Donnell are covered in depth. Howard commandeers some airtime at the end to sincerely thank Dave for his work, and his personal support of him over the years.

We see some masked loser bouncing around in a balloon-looking thing. Tonight's audience shout out is to an attorney from Boonville, Indiana. Mitt's dog, famously once transported on top of his car, appears at the driver's window. Last night was the 30 th anniversary show. It was a draw, but Dave needed Married ladies want sex tonight Bear Delaware stitches. This is nice. CBS keeps sending gifts.